Just say no, self-care is not selfish

There is this idea that to be a good person we need to put others before ourselves.  A sort of sacrifice of self now for reward later.  

This overwhelming feeling of responsibility makes us put ourselves last, do things we really don’t want to do, even for people we don’t really like. To go without and make do. But the promised reward doesn’t come.

The myth

Putting yourself first is selfish. 

That’s not true. Self-care is not selfish, It’s a requirement not indulgent. It’s an act of self-love and you can’t really give what you don’t have.

The Truth

You’ll never do your best work running on empty. 

If you’re not willing to put yourself first, why expect anyone else to. Minors as an exception, you’re only responsible ‘for’ yourself. You can choose to be responsible ‘to’ someone else. There’s a difference.

Constantly doing things for people doesn’t build their skills, capabilities, or self–worth, it reinforces any ideas or notions of helplessness.  

If you want more life, more time, more freedom, to support people in their own growth, learn to say NO.

6 ways to say no without being a dick:

1.   That’s just not the right thing for me so I’m going to say no.
2.   I’m already committed at that time so perhaps another time.
3.   Thanks, but that’s not going to work for me. What might work is if we ‘ABC’…
4.   I’m sorry but I’m not prepared to do that, I would be prepared to ‘XYZ’.
5.   Doing ‘X’ isn’t my thing. If you wanted to ‘Y’ I’d love to hang out.
6.   I know you’re more than capable and it’s because of my belief in you, I’m going to allow you to see it for yourself.

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