Well done for completing this assessment. This already makes you stand out and it’s a huge step forward in creating an epic life for yourself.
Over the next few pages, I’m going to tell you what to do next so you can move you even closer to your goals.
Let me know what insights you’ve had and actions you’re taking at email@example.com – I’d love to hear them and I will respond personally.
Know, Own and Be yourself
Without thinking about it, I’d like you to point to yourself.
I’m willing to bet that you didn’t point to your head but rather your heart.
Almost everyone does this and in almost every culture and language around the world there is the same idea this action suggests. Follow your heart. Speak from your heart. In your heart of hearts. All these ideas are metaphors for getting in tune with the authentic you and they all have the same message – Live true to your values.
When there is alignment and congruence between what’s in our heart and our behaviours, life seems to work better. We’re more fulfilled, our relationships work better and we’re more content and at peace.
We’re more secure and therefore more open as a person, which means we experience life at a whole different level. This opens up more appreciation, love, joy, compassion and kindness. For others and ourselves.
As we wake up to this realisation we notice that our values are the embodiment of our innate intelligence – the operating principles that give meaning to our life and create a sense of well-being.
As you continue with this document, you can remain open and listen to the messages you’re getting from that deeper place. It will serve you powerfully.
Take a look at your goals. (If you don’t have any goals written down it’s probably a good idea to do it now!).
Now look at your values. If your goals are not aligned to your values, you really ought to consider changing them. All evidence points to the fact that when we achieve goals that are not aligned with our values they tend to feel empty.
Here is a little activity you can do to help with goal alignment…
It’s a ceremony celebrating your life and the five people listed below get up and say a few words about the impact you’ve had on them and the world. What would you have them say?
- Life partner:
- A friend:
- A colleague:
- Someone from your community:
As you look back over what you wrote I wonder if you notice that other people’s experience of you is based on your behaviour (not your thoughts or intentions). Notice that, when you are your best self, your behaviour is a direct reflection of your values.
Most people are seeking more confidence yet what most people don’t appreciate is how much confidence they get from being in touch with their values.
When you think back to times when you’ve felt confident, you might notice your values were part of that solid platform from which you spoke your truth.
Consider for a moment the inherent confidence a statement that says ‘what’s most important for me here is how we [insert the verb of a value]… how can we work together to achieve this?’
Or standing your ground with a statement like ‘I’m sorry but that’s just not right for me. It goes against [insert value] and I’m not prepared to do that.’
Take a few moments to consider how you can use your values as a foundation to realise your innate and inner confidence. Write down what surfaces for you.
We’re social animals and need relationships with other human beings. All relationships are not made equal, and we need good relationships, those that lift us up, if we’re to have an epic life.
Here are three things to check are true. If they’re not true for you, it might be a good idea to invest differently in them or change them all together.
Mutually beneficial. Relationships that work are mutually beneficial. We don’t need to get the same thing out of the relationship, but it must be of value for both parties. A lack of balance breeds resentment.
Values aligned. Deep trust is fostered when our values are aligned. Alignment means we’re pulling in the same direction, going with the grain. If we’re not clear and in agreement about what’s important that we have friction. Friction is energy loss and not good.
Boundaries. When you feel upset, like you’re being taken for granted or challenged the likely hood is that the route cause is in your values.
Check your boundaries are set in the right places, known and respected.
We all have difficult decisions to make. Sometimes it’s not easy to know what to do. When you don’t know what to do, look at your values. Remember I said they we’re like light houses, they will point the way.
One question I ask my clients when they’re stuck is ‘what message do you want to give with your decision’. I don’t think I’ve heard a reply yet that doesn’t have values at the core of it.
Any time you are having difficulty deciding you can be sure the root cause is a lack of clarity in your values. This is why I asked you to order them.
Your gut tends to have a greater awareness of your values that the voice in your head. Learn to trust your gut.
Where are you heading?
When you look back at your life, you’ll see it boiled down to an immeasurable number of small decisions made daily.
You could imagine yourself as an aeroplane, making micro-adjustments on your flight through life. These moment-by-moment shifts are made using your values as a flight plan. The more you’re familiar with the flight plan the more you’ll stay on track.
I often work with people who feel stuck in their job or career. When we explore deeper it’s often a misalignment in values. These feelings are like the warning light on your dashboard. You can only ignore it for so long.
When it comes to our work we’re most often satisfied when we can live our values every day and we’re around people who value and believe what we believe.
Success is nothing more than an arbitrary goal you’ve set or accepted. Conventional success tends to be fleeting, a series of finite games. There is a bigger game though, an infinite game and this is one where you play to play. This is the values game. When you have an embodied understanding, you’ll know that success is directly connected to the person you become and right at the heart of this level of success are your values.
It’s the challenges in our lives that shape us the most. They make us stronger and give us stories to tell. If we can realise that life is happening for us, we can realise that we have an endless opportunity to tell our bigger message, the story that our values point us to.
Idea: When life if tough you might ask yourself ‘what values and qualities do I want to bring to this experience’
I thought I’d end with a quote from Martin Luther King
‘Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter’
Our values are what matter to us!